As I pack my bag for the first time this year, I realize how many things I leave behind.
There's costumes of an Indian princess, a Bavarian girl living in the mountains, a 60s gal, there's cards, notes and old remains of the games we used to play, all the books I've read, all the books I wanted to read, photos, weird souvenirs and gifts, shoeboxes of my old diaries, theatre and concert tickets, old gadgets I really should throw away, guitars and so many bags I could fit all my stuff in them.
Back then, I would go to a costume party and dress up in the bathroom of Springtime because I'd be running from work to school and then to an unhealthy dinner with a friend.
Back then, I'd get nice birthday cards I'd frame and put on the wall. I've actually found some Christmas cards I forgot to deliver to some of my friends.
Each time we wanted to watch a movie together we'd make small pieces of paper and write the names so that we all get a chance to pick the movie.
Books were my only treasure and I'd feel like a king if I could afford the luxury of spending the last of my pocket money on them.
I've never been a fan of photos, but I seem to appear in a lot of them. I even have one painting of myself.
2 years ago I got a dragon sculpture from a friend because I am Khaleesi. I love that present because it's weird, it's lovely and it has a cool blue light when you plug it in. Yes, my friend, this sculpture can be plugged in. Deal with it.
Back then, I'd write on scrapbooks and notebooks in a small writing that's now spreading from page to page because of the low quality pen I was using, making it impossible to read.
Remember when we fell from a boat and I got my Kindle and phone soaking wet? I kept those 2. I'll probably throw one away because the other is sufficient to remind me about this one.
Now I don't need so many things. I go to parties as myself, I no longer need any costume. I no longer get so many cards and if I do, I don't frame them anymore. It's because people tend to fade away once their writing has been framed. I watch movies alone most of the time, mostly because I can't stand it when people ask me about the plot instead of actually following it. I no longer buy so many books because I have a subscription to all the public libraries in Catalonia. I've learned to appreciate photos, but I still don't take a lot of them. I hereby thank my friends for taking a shitload of photos and sending them to me.
I'm sad I'm leaving again, I'm happy I know what awaits me. Now I am sure my heart cannot be still.
Now I am sure I'll never follow crazy dreams again. I'll just be happy with normality and every time I'll miss being a loveable idealist I'll open one of the shoeboxes I have and remember the times when I used to be one. And my heart will be as young as it is beautiful.
