in somebody else's lake.
Maybe what I need is a change of pace, of space, of air.
In fact, I don't even know, I'm just trying to. I guess that the sooner I find something to ease this new state of mine, the easyer it will be to put a name to it and cure it.
It's the first time I don't know wether I'm ok or not, it just never happened to me. I'm used to be at one of both ends. Either I'm so down I've reached bottom line, went through and ended in 50 feet of crap. Either I'm so happy rainbows pop out from my ears while I'm smiling like I'm in a toothpaste commercial.
So. I guess this is the first time I've ever felt I'm balanced, level-headed, equal, even-tempered in my life. And I hate it. It's like being one of the reserves in life's game. You know, one of those guys who don't play in officials because they suck. Or, they play, and they're so good they become the stars of the team, so they have to lay on the techincal bench when it comes to unimportant matches. So they wait. Now, I can continue with this, by further telling you they will eventually get out of practice and become on of the paria guys that only play in friendly matches or they will end up on the same bench, but as coaches. But that will only proove I have no sense in what I'm writing and I should stop because you're bored and I should then say how sorry I feel for wasting your time. But this is how I feel. Bored in this blind spot, like I'm in the middle of the storm, in its empty core, where there's peace and quiet and there is no Boogie Man under your bed.
Well I guess I should listen to you, fellows, and wait for something good to happen. But it won't work, cause I want to make things good, not just wait for them to be good.
So now... where to start?