miercuri, 24 august 2016

Entitled to Sadness

I'm going to continue writing in English for a while.
I'm using whatever laptop/PC that I can find to sometimes update my blog.
That's right, I do not own one anymore.
I actually don't have a lot of stuff these days.
I only have 4 pairs of shoes: one for cold weather, one pair of sandals, one pair of flip-flops and one pair of trainers.
I can pack all my clothes in a normal suitcase.
I do not have an extra blanket. I actually do not have A blanket.
How did I get here?
Easy. I packed the most important things I had and I moved to the other side of Europe, in sunny Barcelona.
And I am loving it.
As much as I cut down on stuff, I started growing on the inside. I started seeing myself from afar, getting to know myself better. All this while exploring a much sweeter, easier and more intense way of living.
I have moved to Barcelona, Spain in May and it's the best decision I have ever taken.
But all about my adventures in Barcelona some other time, in another place.
There's some thing I have to tell you about me. I rarely write when I am crazy happy. Why? Because when I am happy I feel there's no way I can sit and think about what I am feeling. I don't want to analyse it, I just want to feel what I feel and if there's anyone I want to share it with I run to them.
I also avoid writing when I am sad, as my blog then tends to be a collection of sad moments which does not represent me at all. If you meet me at any point during the day, there's a 95% chance I am smiling, laughing, about to tell you a very bad joke or waiting for you to tell me one. My grandmother, bless her, she always says to me: "My darling, you are made of laughter."
And she is so right.
So my point is I generally write here when I feel most in equilibrium.
Today is one of the days when I am a bit sad.

I have never met Andra.
But I've been praying for her since May in (almost) every night.
And today I found out Andra has left this world for almost two months.
I feel sad like I have lost a friend.
And yet I lost friends over time and I never felt quite as bad.

I will go to bed now.
But before doing that, for a very long time starting today, I shall pray for Andra's mother.

Thanks Boschi for the idea.

2 comentarii:

Izabela Constantin spunea...

Everytime I read your posts, my inspiration wakes up from a long heavy sleep. It's knocking at my door, begging me to let it inside while I'm busy. Working. Like this very moment. :))))

P.S. Your grandma is right. You are made of laughter. It's way too quiet around here without you :)))) Take care! :* :*

Un copil cuminte spunea...

I miss the old smell of coffee
the grey colored carpets
the funny way people looked in the morning
and my desk with no noise cancelling walls :))
most of all I miss you
and probably stearing at Bucharest from the window of the 8th floor kitchen