Selfish

Selfish. Tonight I am so selfish that I hold you and I breathe you. I feel your heart beat into my heart. Your skin has the smell of anxiety.
You can’t sleep.
You feel nausea all around you. Your eyes are swollen from crying, you try to escape the moan that fights your chest for freedom. I wish I could caress your face, but I’m selfish. So fucking selfish that I’m scared of myself.
I know you miss me because the leaves start turning gold. But I’m so selfish, Darlin’… that I close every door behind me, ignoring every tear that falls.
Selfish. I’m so selfish that I shiver from it and I feel every peace of your picture falling at my feet, struggling, turning, shaking, dying. I am so miserably selfish. Because tonight I love you just a little more than usual. And it’s a little more painful than usual.