duminică, 1 noiembrie 2009

Rain and tears

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Her steps were gliding slowly down the park alley. She felt some kind of warm drowsiness wrapping her body, so she stopped to look for a bench she could rest her thoughts a moment. It was a sunny day of autumn, with a lazy light that fell upon the copper shades of the park. The golden glow of the sky made her close her eyes and think about the present state of her mind. " The clock ticks life away, she thought. I can’t sit here all day reminiscing, I have to go."
But she didn’t. She let herself dragged away from consciousness, while admiring the tranquility and softness in the air, an air soaked with perfume and birds’ thrills. The wind was dancing through the leaves, caressing her face with its mild presence. „I had to let him go. I had to, or else I would of destroyed both of us. It was a dream. But the pain is so real.”
A little girl dressed in a yellow dress was playing with a ball in front of her bench, while her parents watched her from near. They were holding hands and talking, smiling, laughing, clinging to each other...
„ You could’t embrace moments. You couldn’t find the pleasure in watching this child, you couldn’t let the wind touch you inside like I do, you could’t find any of this streets in your heart. We are so different from each other that I wonder how were we even capable to think that this would work. You loved me, but you couldn’t look at my drawings without that sceptic smile on your face and you couldn’t see... you couldn’t see any of my dreams. Everything was palpable and rough to you. So real and material, and yet enclosed in some kind of shell that I never found easy to penetrate. „
She raised her head to watch the trees’ branches forming a canvas of colours that fluttered under the blue sky. The trees were shedding their skin to the ground, the dead leaves drifting from one side to another, looking for their peace.
„ So you couldn’t see this at all. But you loved me. Then why did I let you go? It’s all so stupid, being apart from you, but there wasn’t other way. I had to put an end to it, or we would of destroyed each other. Silence was too hard to take, your eyes were too clear and mine too wet. The days were broken. You sleeping while I looked for your shirt. Me crying all over it. I was so broken and you were so strong. Resentment for me, revenge for you. You had to go. But you loved me.”
A tear fell. Then another one. Then the sky turned gray and a cold rain started to fall. The little girl was gone, so was the warm atmosphere.
„ There’s still a little bit of you around me, not just beneath all these layers of skin, clothes, makeup... There’s no way I could ever forget your smell. There’s just no way I will ever sleep on your side of the bed. Oh, all the things I left unsaid... I can’t let myself too much in this state. I can’t just lay around feeling sorry for the things that happened. After all, I’m the one that decided this was for the best. I need to go.”
She got up and started to run.
He watched her from the turret .
„ She is so strong. She’s already fighting to forget about it. So easygoing. I think this might be the hardest thing she’s ever done. I know this is the one thing I am not capable of doing. Forgetting of all the mornings, of the way she used to hold my hand, or how she always knew when to smile...”
A tear fell from his eyes, melting in the drops of rain that whipped on his cheeks.
„ It’s probably for the best. I wish I had a complicated theory to give this a meaning, but I’m out of hopeless ideas.”

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